awkward

This is about feeling awkward, about being speechless, about feeling stupid later, about regreting silence and specially, about wondering.
It´s the first time in a long while that I don´t feel miserable every time I go to bed and try to get some sleep. I have a crap of job and I am completely unaware of future and somehow I don´t really care.
But now, there´s a storm in my head, thunders remind me that sometimes it´s not so harmless when you can´t understand the one you are facing. Skin can be a wall too... only sometimes.
When I said that I was concerned only about present probably I was missunderstood. I wanted to mean that you have to decide your future considering your present time. It´s not like if I didn´t care about future, it´s only that if I am happy with the present, I won´t change a lot my circumstances... Too late to explain it to you, and too late to find out what you really wanted to say... but I really miss your words, as they were the air I need to breath to feed my brain with oxygen.
Eso es todo, una comida que malinterpreté desde el principio, una sobremesa incómoda, una incógnita, sol y cerveza fresquita y vuelta a resolver el misterio, para encontrar silencio y sensacion de impotencia y estupidez.
Aparte de mis comeduras de cabeza de siempre, esta semana hemos tenido visita. Ana y su boyfriend, Jerome, vinieron a ver a Lucy. Ha sido divertido. Tardes trilingües en la torre de Babel, bebiendo más cervezas de las habituales, haciendo más turismo y sacando más fotos.
Y mientras, la primavera parece tomar Dublín, los días sin nubes se suceden y las horas de luz parecen interminables... Aún así volverán los chubascos, lo sé, pero de algún modo me gustan. Esto es Irlanda y tiene que ser así.